My Land, My Rules

"I... I don't... I ain't..." She stepped away from the stove and clasped her hands in front of her, ducking her head a little. "I ain't every slept in any of 'em really."

It seemed too big, too complicated to try and explain standing here in the kitchen, so she gestured for him to follow and led the way to John's bedroom. She opened the door and stepped back to let him look in.

"This here is John's bedroom. Leah slept there there too, 'fore she died, though she also has another bedroom. I never really slept here, just come in to do my duty and when John was done I went on back to my cot." Nell looked up at him quickly. "I could have stayed. He didn't kick me out or nothin'. I just never felt comfortable or wanted to. Even after he died... I got a new mattress and all, but it never seemed like a place for me."

She backed away and headed to her little alcove where her cot was. "I'd come back here to sleep. Got so's it was just my place. Coulda slept anywhere in any of the other bedrooms at any time - there's a bunch. John had two other wives who divorced him, when it turned out he couldn't have children, so there's room for them and the children they expected. I just never did... So..."

Her voice trailed off a little miserably and she nodded toward the bed. "Barely enough room for me, much less you'un, so you see, you can choose any of the rooms - 'cept not John's - and it will be fine. Like we'uns is stayin' at a hotel."

She couldn't quite bring herself to look at him, not wanting to see if he thought she was as pathetic as she felt just then.